That Thing

Do you happen to know?
My long-standing question
seems to have an ending before it even began,
and no one ever taught me, but that seems to be the answer.
You don't know what I mean, right? Even I'm confused.
This game of emotions that used to be nothing but fun
has become exhausting now.
Like a toy I used to play with as a kid
that stops being fun once you grow up — have I simply grown up?
What once felt serious now looks childish.
These thoughts that used to tickle me,
I thought if I scratched just a little, something would come out.
But as someone with eczema, I know all too well —
the more you scratch, the more relief you feel in the moment,
but it only ends up raw and stinging.
So this hectic time that steals away
even the moment to think — I found myself briefly grateful for it.
Funny, isn't it?
But what I truly need is a sanctuary,
not a place to run and hide.
Honestly... this problem is harsh on me,
or maybe it's simply too much for me.

But I just want to live happily.
Is that not allowed?
You know, I feel like I've been dragged into a fight with no winner.
There are several of me inside, each trying to convince the others they're right.
No matter who wins or who's right, I don't think that's the real answer.
Not being able to make a firm, manly decision —
is it because I'm still young, or because my heart is too soft?

Anyway, I can't stop now.
I want to know the answer. Not some strange one.
Like soothing a crying child with candy,
this tired me needs a sweet reward.

Don't tell me to hang in there —
I just want to hear "let's go together."

Goodbye